Dear Nephew,
Today at your seventeenth birthday party, you heard me claim--in the face of the family stereotypes--that I am a feminist. I know the Rush Limbaugh fans may have taught you feminism means a certain set of things, but I'm ready to start the long project of proclaiming that, by the power of Jesus, it can mean something completely different.
Historically, feminism just meant the belief that men and women should have equal rights. I imagine that by this definition you yourself may be a feminist in all areas except church. That seems to be the de facto position of most conservative evangelicals I've met, and the position of most of the family members around you. Women may run the country but not preach in church.
I'm guessing that, being young and interested in other things, you haven't noticed the soft misogyny that pervades so many Christian environments. It's okay that you haven't thought much about it yet, but if you decide to ever meaningfully enter the life of a churched woman, you need to know and notice the steady barrage of discouragement she has received. Or, to put it more strongly, you need to recognize that church is the place where she is most excluded from opportunity.
To enter an environment and see it from the eyes of another person is always hard, but I challenge you to try. What does it feel like to know that no matter how much of your life you pour out to serve the church, you will never be asked to be a deacon, let alone an elder? What does it do to a person to be encouraged to model herself only after godly women of the Bible and not the godly men? (The purpose of the Bible is not that we use it as book of good examples, but it often gets used that way, nonetheless.) What does it feel like for a woman who teaches men in the "real world," to only be allowed to teach women and children in the church? What does it feel like for her to attend a Sunday School taught by a man or listen to a male pastor who is a far worse teacher than she herself?
Or let's think about the things she has been taught. How would it feel to hear the story of the fall interpreted in such a way that men seem to be the good-guys and women the bad-guys? Or what would it feel like to be told that marriage is about always being the second partner--the submitter. Would you want to get married? Thankfully in this day and age she can pick her own husband/boss, but she would be signing up for a lifetime of inequality. Would you be interested in doing that?
While it is hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes, it is even harder to try and want a change for that person. After all, the system presently favors you as a male. If you like, you can grow up to be a deacon, elder, or pastor without any competition from the female half of the church. You can find a woman and expect her to sign on to being your lifelong cleaning woman, cook, child-care provider, and obedient helper. (Thankfully, women willing to sign on to this are becoming fewer and fewer, but they are still out there.) Why would you want to upset such an easy deal?
Humanly speaking, there are a few reasons: for one, it is much more interesting to be married to an equal partner. But the deeper reason has to do with being the kind of person that looks like Jesus. In the way the church treats women, it has often stopped looking like Jesus, but that doesn't mean you have to follow suit. You can be a Jesus-like man, whether the church is doing a good job of that or not.
So what was Jesus' vision for his women, and how can you as a man get on board with that? The Bible gives us three very interesting titles for people in the church and, by extension, women in the church. They are called co-heirs with Christ, a royal priesthood, and receivers of a spirit of sonship by which they cry out to God as "Abba Father." In the Old Testament, the sign of the covenant only fell on men. They were circumcised. But in the New Testament the sign falls on both men and women in baptism. In the Old Testament the priesthood fell only on men, but now we are a nation of priests, both men and women. In ancient near eastern thinking only sons could be heirs, but now women have been called sons and co-heirs with Christ. So clearly Jesus vision for women in very similar to to his vision for men. He wants them to go into all the world and preach the gospel, making disciples, and baptizing.
I hope that as you begin to build deeper and deeper relationships with the ladies in your youth group and Christian school, you will have the same vision for them as Christ has. That you will not imagine them as providers of your personal needs, but as workers in God's kingdom. Perhaps the day will come when you discover that your work in God's kingdom fits well alongside the work of one of Christ's women workers. If that happens, I look to you to be equally yoked with her--not planning to rule over her in any way. For men and women best fulfill the work of God when they are side by side looking at Jesus, not busy holding one another to a man-made set of roles.
Love,
Your aunt
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